You know what most of my thoughts, conversations, computer searches, worries, fears, self-hatred, etc. are about? Food. I just realized that even if my goal is to lose weight, I'm still living to eat--I'm consumed with eating...what I "can" and "can't" eat; shame over what I did eat; longing over what I want to eat; saying, "I don't care" and eating it anyway; guilt over the fact that I did....and it doesn't stop there! It plagues my sleep at night...almost every night! I have very fitful sleep--I wake up to go to the bathroom, and ask God to forgive me for being overweight. I go back to bed and beg God for help to lose it. I pray and wrestle with it until I fall asleep again. I wake up to go to the bathroom--asks God's forgiveness again--go to bed disgusted with myself; pray in desperation...fall asleep again. I can't believe the bondage--the hold this has over me. Lord, set me free! Please deliver my heart, mind, and body from the grip of this, I pray in Jesus' Name--the Name above all names!!! Lord, I confess that I have made food, my weight, and everything related to that an idol in my life. Please forgive me of my idolatry--I REPENT and ask for Your cleansing and healing in this area for the rest of my life! Thank you for your forgiveness and I commit my life to you--I surrender all...TRULY!
Last night, while the girls were at VBS, Casey & I went on a date to Hastings and enjoyed a large mocha frappe...and then we decided to look at books. I happened upon a book called "Eat to Live" which, in essence, reminds me of what Daniel and his friends ate while in the King's captivity. I had a dream about that recently, and also had a visit from Eleanor spoke to me about eating that way...now I have a lot to think/pray about. Lord, please show me your way!
Lord, please teach me your way, and help me to just eat to live, not live to eat ever again!!! In Jesus' Name, Amen!
~PHILIPPIANS 4:6-11~
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. 8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."
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