E2L - Day 7

Thursday, July 5, 2012 - Day 5

Well, I survived my first holiday trying to eat healthier.  I struggled...but not overwhelmingly so.  I fudged...but not horribly so.  AND--since, for the first time in my life so far, I'm trying to think of this as the "Healthy Way To Eat" and how God designed our bodies to eat, I didn't struggle with the same overwhelming, shaming guilt as much.  THAT is my favorite part!  It was kind of my "Independence Day," too, I guess...freedom from the tyranny of shame and guilt...or at least the beginning.  I allowed myself some meat, potatoes, chips, and even a few bites of dessert:  1/2  cookie; 1 bite of cake; 1 Tbsp of choc./raspberry dessert.  I also ate a big bowl of salad.  I didn't talk about it too much (though more than I should have); I didn't worry about it too much (though more than I want to); and I didn't regret it too much (though I still need to work on that...); and I didn't go too hog-wild (as Grandma would say).  Improvement!

Here's my recent weight history (in the last few years):
2007--had gestational diabetes while pregnant with Baby #4;  was very faithful about eating healthily, walking, etc.  After giving birth to her, I weighed less than I did when I got pregnant.
2008--continued walking, eating healthier, and just before Disneyland in March, I was down to a size 18/20, and weighed **4.  I remember it well.  Had more energy and felt better.
During our trip to Disneyland, I was beyond exhausted w/ a sore throat.  Came home to find out that I had strep and mono.  Exhaustion ruled my life, and I went to the couch and the refer for "energy" and rest.  The weight began to climb.
2009--Weight continued to climb.  My hormones weren't balanced; life was hard; I was exhausted a lot; not much else; discovered my neuro. health problem, too.
2010--I reached my peak lifetime weight of **7.  Depressed, hopeless...joined the gym on a 16 week makeover plan.  Lost 30+ pounds and several inches.  Was so proud of myself, but when the 16 "required weeks" to go to the gym was over, I phased out.  I kept watching my food, but stopped exercising with faithfulness.
2011--During the summer, my weight got as low as **4 (and I think as low as **0 for a day), but I didn't continue exercising and so I came to a stand-still.  I had a heart episode caused by low potassium in November (right after Thanksgiving), and then struggled with dizziness & chest pain when exercising after that.  
2012--I fluctuated up and down 10 pounds from week to week, and in April I was still **4.  We went to a Christian couple's retreat & I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted while we were on our weekend.  Came home and was up10 pounds...again!  I was deeply discouraged, and after that, I gave in to temptation bit by bit, and when I went to the doctor last week on June 28, my weight in her office was even higher. L   (Sigh).  There was no denying it, or pretending it was water retention weight.

Praying, praying, praying...

Here is 2012--JULY 5, 2012. 
I've had a million "new beginnings" before.  Lord, please help me...please help this last this time.  I don't just WANT it…I NEED IT!