Eat to Live, or Daniel's Diet, or whatever....Day 1

Friday, June 29, 2012 - Day 1
To begin with, it's going to be a little difficult because I don't have many groceries remaining that will fit the plan, and we still have a week to go until payday, and not much moolah left.  I'll do the best I can.

This morning's measurements:
weight: **8
waist:  *0

Symptoms:  knees in pain, tired, sluggish, foggy brain, swollen, tired...all the time, tired
Those are the measurements I'm most concerned with for now.  I may add more later.

Eating to Live, NOT Living to Eat...

 You know what most of my thoughts, conversations, computer searches, worries, fears, self-hatred, etc. are about?  Food.  I just realized that even if my goal is to lose weight, I'm still living to eat--I'm consumed with eating...what I "can" and "can't" eat; shame over what I did eat; longing over what I want to eat; saying, "I don't care" and eating it anyway; guilt over the fact that I did....and it doesn't stop there!  It plagues my sleep at night...almost every night!  I have very fitful sleep--I wake up to go to the bathroom, and ask God to forgive me for being overweight.  I go back to bed and beg God for help to lose it.  I pray and wrestle with it until I fall asleep again.  I wake up to go to the bathroom--asks God's forgiveness again--go to bed disgusted with myself; pray in desperation...fall asleep again.  I can't believe the bondage--the hold this has over me.  Lord, set me free!  Please deliver my heart, mind, and body from the grip of this, I pray in Jesus' Name--the Name above all names!!!  Lord, I confess that I have made food, my weight, and everything related to that an idol in my life.  Please forgive me of my idolatry--I REPENT and ask for Your cleansing and healing in this area for the rest of my life!  Thank you for your forgiveness and I commit my life to you--I surrender all...TRULY!

Last night, while the girls were at VBS, Casey & I went on a date to Hastings and enjoyed a large mocha frappe...and then we decided to look at books.  I happened upon a book called "Eat to Live" which, in essence, reminds me of what Daniel and his friends ate while in the King's captivity.  I had a dream about that recently, and also had a visit from Eleanor spoke to me about eating that way...now I have a lot to think/pray about.  Lord, please show me your way!

Lord, please teach me your way, and help me to just eat to live, not live to eat ever again!!!  In Jesus' Name, Amen!

^{~PHILIPPIANS 4:6-11~}

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."

Dang McDonald's

Well, I was going to call this post "Day 1 in the pursuit of Healthy Me"...I'm tired of looking back and thinking:  Didn't I just do this last year...and the year before...and the decade before...and in 1988...?  But, alas, I still haven't become my ideal weight, nor have I become the healthy me that I'm supposed to be.  I started out with good intentions...ate a healthy breakfast of eggs and fruit, and then took the kids to the park for a picnic lunch.  I didn't pack one for me, thinking I'd be okay for a few hours, but by the time we ran an errand or two after lunch, I was starving, so I went to McDonald's for a chicken sandwich.  Okay, I bought 2, but didn't intend on eating the buns.  However, once I opened the crinkly paper, I devoured one sandwich in my ravenous hunger before I even knew what happened.

Once I was finished, I noticed how many calories are in that sandwich (thank you, McD's), and then I just ate the chicken out of the 2nd sandwich.  It all went downhill from there, pretty much.  After that, I had to finish B's ice cream cone because she was full & I didn't want it to melt....thus begins the justification of eating in a way that is not good for me...permissible?  yes.  Beneficial? NO!  Hamster wheel...back to business again tomorrow!
 

He's Doing a New Thing!

Okay, here's a beautiful reason for eating healthier.  Look at all the colors & amazing flavors!  "Eating a rainbow" really is delicious...the only thing it also is, is time-consuming to wash & prepare all the veggies, but you know what?  It's so worth it once it's done!  I hate that I have kept falling into laziness over this.  Lord, please help me to eat healthier, feed my family healthier, and do a better job in all that  You have entrusted me with!!!

“But forget all that—
    it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
¹⁹ For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. ~Isaiah 43:18-19


God wrote these verses for me...yes, also for Israel, but I need to forget the past--that means even this afternoon (and all the muffins, etc.) that I ate.  "Forget it..."  He is doing a new thing!  Don't I see it?  He's already begun...Lord, please make a pathway through my wilderness and create rivers in my dry wasteland!  I love you & I need you!  Desperately!

When is Enough, Enough?!

 I have been diligent again lately about eating no flour, sugar, rice, or potatoes...and soup and salad every night for dinner last week--and then I gained 2 pounds.  So this week, I just ate whatever I wanted because you know what?  Sometimes I just get tired of running this hamster wheel.  Maybe someday I'll try the HCG drops or get bariatric surgery, but until then it's just me and my hamster wheel.  I wonder what day will be the REAL day when I say, "enough is enough!"?  I hope it's sooner rather than later because I can deal w/ gaining 2 pounds...just not 20!

Keepin' it real, huh?

I can't even talk about this journey without getting choked up. That's the truth. No one even reads this but me, but I'm still trembling as I write all this. I don't know...maybe it's because I'm thinking about how many Y-E-A-R-S I have been struggling with my weight. My earliest memory of fear and discouragement about it dates back to 1988. Eighth Grade graduation. Pink formal. Called my "pink piggie" dress.  I'll never forget the journal entry or the weight--180 lbs. Age: 14. Sad, ugly, misfit...that's how I felt then....and now--at least most of the time. Just throw in some rebellious confidence, guilt, fear, and shame, and we're good to go. Mix it all up, add four babies born, 130 more pounds (give or take--yes, I gained a whole other person on my poor body frame & system), high blood pressure, diabetes, varicose veins, painful joints, a neurological condition, hormone problems, pituitary tumors, and a few other health conditions, and nearly 25 years and voile`~ you have ME.

Thankfully, that's not the end of my story yet.  Everyday above ground is a good day--a new day to make better choices!  Lord, give me strength....I am WEARY for fighting this battle!

Bring Your Sorrows and Sins

Bring Your Sorrows and Sins

Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.

Psalms 25:18

It is good for us when prayers about our sorrows are linked with pleas concerning our sins—when, being under God's hand, we do not focus exclusively on our pain, but remember our sins against God. It is also good to take both sorrow and sin to the same place. It was to God that David carried his sorrow: It was to God that David confessed his sin.

Notice, then, we must take our sorrows to God. Even your little sorrows you may cast upon God, for He counts the hairs of your head; and your great sorrows you may commit to Him, for He holds the ocean in the hollow of His hand. Go to Him, whatever your present trouble may be, and you will find Him able and willing to relieve you. But we must take our sins to God too. We must carry them to the cross, that the blood may fall upon them, to purge away their guilt and to destroy their defiling power.

The special lesson of the text is this: we are to go to the Lord with sorrows and with sins in the right spirit. Note that all David asks concerning his sorrow is, "Consider my affliction and my trouble"; but the next petition is vastly more explicit, definite, decided, plain—"Forgive all my sins."

Many sufferers would have reversed it: "Remove my affliction and my pain, and consider my sins." But David does not; he cries, "Lord, when it comes to my affliction and my pain, I will not dictate to Your wisdom. Lord, look at them—I will leave them to You. I would like to have my pain removed, but do as You will. But as for my sins, Lord, I know what needs to happen—I must have them forgiven; I cannot endure to live under their curse for a moment."

A Christian counts sorrow lighter in the scale than sin; he can bear to have troubles continue, but he cannot bear the burden of his transgressions.

(From Morning and Evening by C. H. Spurgeon)